Quiz / Song / Thanks

Chicago Public Square returns in force Monday. Until then, track breaking news and commentary via the Square account on Bluesky.

■ But now …

Quiz. Shoot some gratitude Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions winner Fritz Holznagel’s way for a special nice news quiz—all items “guaranteed to be uplifting.”

■ Your Square columnist scored an above-average 7/8 correct.

■ Not quite so uplifting: Lyz Lenz’s Dingus of the Week is FBI Director Kash Patel.

■ Then again, it’s time for Pulitzer winner Dave Barry’s annual Holiday Gift Guide— beginning with … “The Original Toilet Mirror.”

Song. Inspired by an unsubscribe note from a Square reader this week, Mark Mardell offers alternate lyrics to the tune of Chuck Berry’s “Too Much Monkey Business.”

■ Sing along with Berry … or the Beatles … or the Kinks … or Elvis. Here’s the first verse:

Weekday compilation of the daily news,

A lot of news gives some idiots the blues—

Too much leftist bullshit,

Too much leftist bullshit,

Too much leftist bullshit for him to be involved in …

Thanks. Here ends this latest roll call of those whose financial support has kept Square coming since January 2017—including Athene C, Matt Gall, Andrew Mitran (again!), Adrienne Smith, Larry Perlman (again!), John Evans, Mike Chamernik, Sheridan Chaney, Steve Johnson and Louise Kiernan, Leo Bonnie Dohogne, Julie Ross, Monica Eng, Jan Czarnik, Cynthia Barnard, Suzanne Vestuto, Janean Bowersmith, Christine Cooper, Jeanne Peppler, Kevin Tynan, H. Evan Williams, Wendy Greenhouse, Daniel Forden, Jon Langham, Michael Collins, Josh Mogerman, Scott Watson, Judy Davy, Carol Hendrick, Rich Gage, Christine Hauri, Andy Simon, Bob Zeni, Alec Bloyd-Peshkin, Deirdre Walton, Cassandra West, Jerry Wolin, Frank Maggio, Suzy Carlson, Charlie Pajor, Ryan Bird, John Robinson, Craig Kaiser, Melissa Leeb, Jay Gerak, Sandra Black, Richard M. Bendix Jr., Gil Arias, Jean Lubeckis, Beth Kujawski, Ellen Cutter, Mary T. Davison, Phil Huckelberry, Matthew Thompson, Geraldine Delaney, Tim Spencer, Dale Epton, Alison Price, Joe Gauss, Doug Freedman, Scott Knitter, Marc Magliari, Griz Alger, Lisa Price, Liz Meisterling, Julie A. Johnson, Sheila Wolfe, Mike Quintero, Julie Vassilatos, JM, Lucia Podraza, Jessica Mackinnon, Maria Mooshil, Jack Hafferkamp, Michele Bukowski, Mary Mearna, Paul Clark, Ann Marie Testa, Aaron Smith, Ted Cox, Laurie and Bill Bunkers, Mary Novak, Tony Marturano, Gene Kannenberg Jr., Mary M. Jeans, Dave Connell, James Gardner, Stephanie Springsteen, Bruce Dold, Jason Sherman, Tom Shepherd, Laurel Saltzman, Jane Hirt, Meredith Schacht, Maria Peterson, Chris Handzlik, Kevin Weller, Tom Pritchett, Susan Yessne, Robert Jaffe, Susan Gzesh, Lee Rusch, Lucy Smith, Chris Mcintosh, Jeannie Affelder, Marianne Griebler, Deborah Spector, Neal Kleemann, Keelin Wyman, Patricia Winn, Mary Bunker, Paul Buchbinder, Melanie Minnix, Stephanie Goldberg, Margaret Meyer, Carol Gulyas, Valerie Morrow, Jim Prescott, Michael Wilson, Dawn Haney, Linda Baltikas, Molly Allscheid, Jim Grimes, Andy Buchanan, Michael Johnson, Peggy Conlon-Madigan, Rosemary Caruk, Jon Randolph, Jan Rogatz, LJ in Arkansas, Craig Parshall, Eric Davis, Jen Purrenhage, Darrell Sherrod, Jim Parks, Marjorie Isaacson, Rupa Datta, Eric Zorn, Kevin Wallace, Ricky Briasco, Shara Miller, Thomas Vivian, Tim Bannon, Bernard Schoenburg, Mike Salerno, Christopher Comes, Patty Wallenberg, Eric Hochstein, Eileen Lilke, Michael Conway, Martin Gallas, Sarah Russe, Ann Fisher, Chip Mitchell, Karyn Esken, Janice Wolf, Lana O’Brien, Brian J. Taylor, Andrew Stancioff, Patrick Egan, Jeff Hackett, Jon Hilkevitch, Barbara Miller, Tony Scott, Deb Abrahamson, John Ayers, Judy Sherr, Art Golab, Randy Young, Kathleen Walton, Leigh Daeuble, Joseph Pesz, Sherry Kent, Reginald Davis, Jill Chukerman, Barb Powers, Carole Barrett, Darryl Roberts, Mike Packard, Joyce Cook, E Larsen, Evan McKenzie, Ed McDevitt, Sally Donatiello, Timothy Cunningham, Jean and John Meister, Ted Slowik, Liz Fitzgerald, Stephanie Kiesling, Kent Bridgeman, Martha Intrieri, Steve Chapman, Doug Berman, Julia Gray, Ben Orzeske, Art McNamara, Craig Koslofsky, David Painter, Kathy Catrambone, Paul Francuch, Edward White, Laurie and Mark Jolicoeur, John Gilardi, JoBeth Halpin, Steve Winner, Phil Priest, Tony Judge, Ron Brown, Scott Sachnoff, Marc Sims, Ellen Siciliano, Jan Menaker Brock, Denise Mattson, Becky Brofman, Mary Paxson, Heather Foote, Carol Hirschtick, Brian Doyle, Debi Gordon, Steve Carlson, Gary Kochanek, Irv Leavitt, Jeremiah Woods, Jenny Wittner, Janet Grimes, Clifford Johnson, Clive Topol, John Kowalski, Moondog, Allan Hippensteel, Jay Kelly, Nina Ovryn and Mike McDonagh.

■ Join their ranks anytime—by pitching in as little as $1, just once—and see your name enshrined in The Legion of Chicago Public Squarians.

‘He’s not gonna silence us’ / ‘See you in hell, DOGE :)’ / ‘Too much leftist bull shit’

Chicago Public Square will take a few days off. We’ll be back in your inbox Friday with a special “nice news” edition of The Conversation’s weekly quiz, returning to regular coverage here Monday.

■ Meanwhile, keep tabs on breaking news and perspective via the Square Bluesky account …

■ … and consider Pod Save America co-host Dan Pfeiffer’s guidance for handling “your MAGA uncle at Thanksgiving.”

■ For now, here’s what’s up:

‘He’s not gonna silence us.’ U.S. Sen., retired U.S. Navy Capt. and retired astronaut Mark Kelly dismisses as “absurd” the Pentagon’s launch—at President Trump’s urging—of an investigation into him and five other Democratic lawmakers who’ve encouraged service members to refuse “illegal orders.”

■ Kelly stands by that message: “You don’t want to wait for your kid to get hit by a car before you tell them to look both ways.”

■ Columnist and Army veteran Charlotte Clymer sees the charges as “a failed human being kissing the ass of another failed human being by slandering the character of a genuine war hero.”

■ Lawyer/columnist Robert Hubbell: “We must all be Mark Kelly.”

■ Evan Hurst at Wonkette: “Kelly is the man Pete Hegseth will never be.”

Two strikes. A federal judge has dismissed criminal cases against ex-FBI Director James Comey and New York Attorney General Letitia James—concluding that the prosecutor who brought the charges at Trump’s prodding was appointed illegally.

■ In a video message posted to Substack, Comey called for Americans to “stand up and show the fools who would frighten us, who would divide us, that we’re made of stronger stuff.”

■ Law professor Joyce Vance says the law may yet allow those charges to be re-filed.

■ Yeah, but Trump was set to pardon two turkeys today.

‘These are in no way suitable conditions to be holding anyone—period.’ That’s U.S. Rep. Lauren Underwood after visiting the Broadview ICE detention center yesterday.

■ Congressional candidate Kat Abughazaleh on MSNBC MS NOW: What’s happening inside is “immeasurably worse” than what’s been caught on camera outside.

‘These conditions are not livable.’ Residents of the Chicago apartment building ransacked by federal agents in a horrific raid two months ago are forming a union.

■ They’re asking for repairs and help relocating.

■ WBEZ explores the fiasco that unfolded “when The Sausage King of Chicago bought a South Side housing complex.”

Obamacare reprieve? The White House is circulating a plan to extend federal subsidies for skyrocketing healthcare premiums …

■ … but The American Prospect says it’s still not great: “The insurance will get worse, and the poor will pay more.”

‘A day of reckoning for … hapless electronic monitoring.’ A Tribune editorial says the man accused of setting a young woman on fire on a CTA train makes a compelling case for overhauling Cook County court rules “to ensure that dangerous people who violate their terms of release face timely repercussions.”

■ Friday’s deadly “teen takeover” downtown is fueling renewed calls for police power to declare “snap curfews.”

‘See you in hell, DOGE :)’ Wonkette’s Marcie Jones sheds no tears over news that Trump and Elon Musk’s “Department of Government Efficiency” exists no more.

■ The New Republic: “DOGE may be dead, but its crimes live on.”

■ Its website is moribund.

‘Parents may want to think carefully.’ The Public Interest Research Group is sounding a warning about AI-enabled toys.

■ Read its 40th annual “Trouble in Toyland” report here.

■ Casey Newton at Platformer: The online game platform Roblox has a child safety problem—exemplifying “a world where CEOs no longer feel shame.”

■ The Onion: “AI-Enabled Teddy Bear Pulled From Shelves For Giving Advice On BDSM, Where To Find Knives.”

■ Gizmodo: “Those viral photos of Elon and Zuck are AI. But Google launched a new way to check for fakes.”

■ A Boston College humanities prof writes for The New York Times (gift link): “AI has changed my classroom, but not for the worse.”

■ Popular Information: Tennessee public libraries have closed for a Trump-inspired book purge.

Thanks to viewers like you. John Oliver’s auction of Last Week Tonight memorabilia has raised more than $1.5 million for public broadcasting.

■ A gold-plated recreation of President Lyndon B. Johnson’s testicles went for $25,000.

■ Critic Bill Carter: “Trump keeps trying to silence late-night TV. He’s only making it louder.”

‘Chicago’s winter-parking rules … are … a cash grab.’ Columnist Eric Zorn points to other big-city bans that restrict parking just during “snow emergencies.”

■ The Pace suburban transit system is buying 36 new hybrid buses.

Chicago’s win, Chicago’s loss. “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” this year will feature Chance the Rapper as host for its first-ever Chicago-based countdown …

■ … but Axios notes that leaves the city without a locally produced New Year’s Eve countdown show for the first time in modern history.

■ Historian Robert Loerzel praises Mavis Staples’ spirited cover of Tom Waits’ song “Chicago.”

■ Longtime WBBM-FM DJ Joe “JoBo” [Bohannon] Colborn is dead at 70.

Corrections. Thanks to readers thoughtful enough to take the time to set things straight, yesterday’s Square has been fixed:

■ The Wisconsin woman apprehended in a Chicago suburb admitted to nearly stabbing a classmate to death in 2014.

■ That WXRT recording of Jimmy Cliff performing at the Park West dates back to 1978.

‘Too much leftist bull shit.’ Chicago Public Square yesterday lost a reader who offered that as an explanation. Then again …

‘It’s nice to have the news of the day … served up piping crazy.’ Those kind words accompanied another reader’s financial support for this publication.

■ You can join that reader—along with Bill Drudge, Pat Kelley, Louis Diamond, Pat Nash, Patricia Solano (again!), Michael Boyd, Chris Ruys (again!), Valerie Stankus, Dominick Suzanne, Jack Bizot, Sandy and Jeremy Lipschultz, Cat Reis, Cathy Sullivan, Mike Cramer, Roy Plotnick, Thomas Witt, Michael Weiland, Daniel Burke, Julie Martin, Gregory Dudzienski, Al Hoyt, Diana Lauber, Thomas Gradel, Ralph Culloden, Bob Tucker, Kathryn Loewy, John Greenwald, Mary Gannon Pittman, Avis Rudner, Jo Patton, Thomas Yoder, Ben Segedin, Christopher Giorno, Alan Dikty, Laurie Huget, Leigh Behrens, Bill Oakes, Gail Frost, Scottie Kersta-Wilson, Martha Swisher, Kevin Parzyck, Mary Kay O’Grady, Claire Barliant, Jordan Wilkerson, Andrew Mitran, Michele Prod, David Mausner, Jim Holmes, Helen Kossler, Cindy Allara, Frank Heitzman, Dave Rogers, Alternative Schools Network, Dave McGovern, Patrick Olsen, Zarine Weil, Anton Till, Chris Rhodes, Robert Alan Innocenzi, Jane Williams, Stephanie Blatt, Dan Shannon, Carolyn Roberta Berg, Anne Frederick, Maria Garvy, Arnie Weissmann, Karl Schuster, Steven Yandel, Crissy Kawamoto, John D. Abel, Cindy Moriarity, Ron Magers, Ann James, Susan Parks, Martin Fischer, Carolyn Potts, Mike Gold, Ed Hansen, Susan Beach, Angelika Kuehn, Gregg Runburg, Joan Berman, Lizzie Schiffman Tufano, Tom Williamson, Matt Baron, Patrick Quinn, Victoria Engelhardt, Conrad Wayne, Roger Blickhan, Matthew Brenner, Maureen Kennedy, Arlene Thurow, Rick Blankenbaker, Beth Botts, Vicki Seglin, John Metz, Robert Feder, Jennifer McGeary, Ryan Osborn, Avery Cohen, Elizabeth Denius, William Wheelhouse, Joe Germuska, Rob Renfro, Valerie Valenzo, Michael Soriano, Jeff Herden, Gordon Hellwig, Michael Rosenbaum, John Gehron, Barbara Cimaglio, Timothy Jackson, Mary Apcel, John McClelland, R Carney, Mike Nowak, Richard Osa, Betsy Blew-Ochoa, Brent Brotine, Craig Brown, Spring Belasich, Carolyn Hosticka, Christine Cupaiuolo, Jack Ohman, Lil Levant, Arlene Johnson, Anne Rooney, k.h. and Becky Bloom—in The Legion of Chicago Public Squarians by making a contribution of as little as $1, just once …

■ … and then see your name atop the concluding rundown of this season’s roll call.

■ Harry Politis made this edition better.